"my most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." Winston Churchill
Decades after exchanging vows with his spouse this was what Sir Winston Churchill felt of his beloved wife. He had come to the conclusion that he had indeed been dealt a good hand by God. Without saying, in-between his wedding day and the day he made that statement, there would have been occasions when he feared the worst. There would have been dark moments and moments of curious silence, shadows and whims of betrayals, condescensions and subjugations. Times of cold feet and wanting to withdraw into the solace of his soul and singularity. But then, they remained ghost of alternate realities that were never realised and instead his relation blossomed into a steadfast friendship with his soul mate that lasted a lifetime.
Marriage could be a statement of perceived love, a milestone, a rung on the career ladder, payment for a debt, a circumstance inside which the deranged cravings of lustful thoughts could be fed, the incorporation of a company to produce children, the amalgamation and unification of houses and tribes, political statements or charades behind which an alternate reality is built. Marriage could be for any of these and a whole lot more.
In each of these reasons the functions of the parties involved tend to differ. Expectations vary and outcomes are rarely similar.
Sir Winston Churchill for whatever reason he married his spouse did find peace and gratitude. He found justification to his reasoning. From Churchill's point of view, he placed the decision making at the feet of his wife to be. All he had to do was to present her the best of himself and give her a peek into the future he envisioned for them both. She deciding it was a one way ticket worth investing her life into, she got aboard and never looked back to shore again. This arrangement was one based on the knowing fact that they would both sail together, swim together or (God forbid) drown together.
On the other hand, Marilyn Munroe had a slightly different view of marriage, she was quoted as saying;
"before marriage a girl has to make love to a man to hold unto him. After marriage she has to hold him to make love to him."
Abraham Lincoln said;
"marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is purgatory."
A view Nietzsche who said; "It is not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." would strongly disagree with.
Marriage though having a whole spectrum of meanings to different people has one constant, and that is two people abiding together, sadly everything else has become a variable. Variables based on reasons, reasons held secretly or openly by both parties and stakeholders.
With these reasons come the inadvertent future expectation. Warped futures expected, feelings, desires and duties ignored. Gaps begin to appear and consequently are transformed rapidly into black holes that consume the institute and parties involved.
Reasons are frequently veiled in promiscuity, shows of exuberance and the ever presence of friends and family. Eventually when all is said and done and both parties sit to commune the curtains are drawn and reality steps forth. At this point, two things happen, either and an alliance is formed outright or trenches are dug and positions established. Or worse a state of vegetative denial ensues.
Love is a by product of trust, on ornament of hope, a heirloom of dedication, a hallowed feature of selflessness and the willingness to be true regardless of circumstances. It is everything and yet nothing without everything. Most importantly it grows with time, and it assumes its purest form in times of hardship, tribulations and periods of uncertainty. So in essence it is almost impossible to marry out of love given the fact that you would need a whole lot more than a trip to the Bahamas or a hot session of lust to know what it is to love someone.
Hence for what reason should you get married?
Is it to be a helper, a shoulder to cry upon, pity, career progression, spite, belief or children?
Whatever your reason and to whoever you get married to, happiness, love, friendship, progress, children, bliss, laughter, joy, salvation are all products you and your spouse should spend the rest of your lives cultivating. These are products, they are delicious fruits with the sweetest of aromas and the most nutritious substances you could ever imagine. But, you have to roll up your sleeves and cultivate them upon the land of promise which is your marriage. There isn't a place called happily ever after, but I can tell you there is a fruit called bliss, thing is you have to grow it. And it takes a lot of commitment, trust, friendship, selflessness, sacrifice and belief.
These are tools and instruments you can not possibly use if you do not possess. Similarly these are tools you should look for in the tool kit of a potential suitor. Is she/he committed, trust worthy, focused, friendly, selfless? Does she/he believe in you? In searching his/her tool kit, love doesn't come into it, reason does.
Advertising your promiscuity would only bring to the fore a veiled personality of his/hers, duly responding to your whims and caprices.
Be yourself, make known your dreams, hopes, visions, expectations and a warm open heart. If she/he quails under the luminance of your countenance then possibly there is a hole inside of him/her that does not reflect your noble intentions and just maybe you should take a rain check, or tread with caution. In all of these never discount the likeability factor. For you indeed have to like someone before you could get close enough to make assertions and draw conclusions.
After having said all of these, I still do believe marriage is a very delicate institute. It's purity ought to be maintained. Under its beauty negative energy wilts and fizzles away. In the same vein in the shadows of its discontentment and selfish endeavours of parties involved festers a dangerous precedent that could consume it, ruining the lives of all involved in the process.
Be true to yourself and your spouse, the ship has left the port, you are both at sea, all distractions are either fish or salt water. Be committed, dedicated and trust worthy. It is a partnership, not a race, not a sulking contest. All you are required to do is sow trust and harvest a strong companionship, sow commitment and harvest likewise, bask in her/his essence and get a tan that the harrowing winds and salt water are unable to wash away. In all of this never forget to work night and day to cultivate love, more love and yet some more love. The beautiful thing about love is that it can grow in just about any circumstance. You just need to feed it constantly. You feed it with the very juicy petals of love you receive. Giving all you do receive and more is in itself the purest version of love.
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